Sending You a Letter for It Is More Heartfelt

Hi.

I don’t want to be your girlfriend. I don’t want to be your anything. But I like you.

I know it’s what you feel as well. I know I’m just someone random in your life. Someone to help you with your “thing”. But then, you like me too. And we both know our bodies want each other. We want to explore each other’s secret spots. We want to cover ourselves up in just sheets and shy the night away making sweet, sweet love. We want to grab each other really hard and intense, test where our kisses would reach, where our hands would land and our breaths would meet.

I like how your smell stays on the edges of my nostrils. How your fingers brush through my hair and your hands extending all the way to my lower back, bringing my body closer to yours, our legs entwined. The way your tongue wets my lower lip warmly and how your bites tickle the back of my neck. You make me crazy as hell when you grope at my perky breasts, play with it using the tips of your fingers and yes, the tip of your tongue. You give me that instant rush whenever you reach the insides of my legs and yes, it makes me feel brand new.

Your kisses are electrifying. Your manhood is an explosion in my inner body that reaches up to my brain, shakes my nerves awake and leaves it trembling for a minute or two when everything’s over. And I would want you more. I would give in- no inhibitions- like I have never gave in before. Forgetting about what’s going to happen tomorrow because now is what matters. Now is what’s important as your eyes meet the windows of my soul and your smile sends me a warm message somewhere inside me that’s near my chest.

I will ignore that little voice in my head, saying, “I am stupid”. Because even though I know I am from the very beginning, I would be more of an idiot if I had not decided to go with you. If I didn’t say yes, I wouldn’t have known you.

I wouldn’t have known what your fears are, the little things about you and why you’re like that. I wouldn’t have understood your quirks. Why you’re keeping such a nonchalant, unconcerned exterior. Why you’re living life the way it pleases you and not the way it should run you. I wouldn’t have met someone who can be smart and an asshole at the same time. Someone who’s brave and scared. Someone who’s concerned and careless.

But then, it brings me back to the beginning. I can never be yours. And most certainly, you can never be mine.

I’d like to think we’re in a bubble. As long as it stays, we stay. None of us know when it’s going to pop and disappear into the oblivion. But when it happens, we stay civil about it and accept the fact that bubbles are meant to be that way. And then we blow a new one even though it’s not the same. It’s never going to be the same. However, we stick to our belief that bubbles always make us happy. Well, it makes me happy at least. I love the idea of how I can replace the ones that have disappeared easily without feeling bad about it. Without feeling any guilt. Because then again, they were meant to be that way.

And we are meant to be this way. I love the fact that I am enveloped in your arms. But I am aware that I am alone and never have I expected you to rescue me from this issue of mine. I am aware of the fact that you are going to leave. And I will not stop you. Do you want to know why? It’s simply because I may leave as well, eventually. And I don’t want you to stop me.

Because even though both of us fit to a T, you and I cannot be together. Because one way or another, one of us will take a different life course and the other one is going to be left behind. And even if one of us agreed to conform to the other, one of us is going to regret it and one of us is going to live in guilt.

So this is why I like you. With all of my body and my soul, I do. But I can never be your girlfriend. Or the least, give you something that’s more of what I’m giving you right now.

So, bye.  

  

I wrote this piece a couple of months back as I had a surge of inspiration after watching a film that happened to be a love story. Though I am not too fond of the overrated idea of love, I did like the movie. So I tried to write something about the L-word or something similar to it rather. And this is how it turned out.  If you're too square and narrow-minded, you'd find this explicit. I don't care.