Of Unfinished Chapters & New Beginnings

Another year is about to end and December blues is inevitable. It's that time of the year again where your brain's amygdala go trippin' and mess up with you and your emotions.

One Time an Old Dude was Hitting on Me and I Liked It

Yeah but hear me out first.

I always love a good conversation. I don’t care who you are or what you’re doing as long as we have the same vibe the moment we’re talking then we’re good. We could go on for hours and in the end feel like we’ve shared something valuable. Something worth remembering. Like the time lolo tried to have a chat with me.

Fixing Crooked Perspectives, Hoping It'd Work

Feeling so uninspired lately that I may have gravely doubted myself at one of the things I love best. Hoping it's just a phase. Silently pleading that the universe would somehow shift in my favor. But yeah, while I'm at it I still gotta hustle...

And then I found something out of my innumerable spent hours on the internet. Somehow it calmed me down knowing that I don't have to pressure myself too much. I may have used it as an excuse for "slacking off" but whatever. I gotta believe in something at one point - and this one convinced me, punched me hard right through my guts.

Drama & Shit vol. 1.1

Never Have I Wanted So Much in My Life

There was this house on top of a hill. It was the only thing there. Not another establishment within the next few hectares. It was, as one might consider it, remote. Slightly unkempt and aged but it was weathered gracefully like an old woman having these beautiful wrinkles on the side of her eyes. That whenever she smiles, it was a reminder of the many others she did back when she was young. A little older though, one can feel its solitude, like it was left behind as the others moved on to the modern world.

"For Women Who are Difficult to Love" -Warsan Shire

I found a young poet, Warsan Shire, online and I instantly love her compositions. This was by far, my favorite as it hits home. She had me at "you can't make homes out of human beings", one line that spoke volumes to me. 

And since I cannot get enough, I watched the video as well. The added type of media made it more alive even though the poem was already full of life itself (not sure if that made sense).

I Wrote Something About Not Writing

I haven’t written anything in five months. Where have I been? Not that I left in search of my soul or anything (it’s forever lost and scattered, anyway). In fact I was just here. I never really left. What have I been doing? Five months is a lot of time! Not that I’m obliged to write ever too often though; but still. It bugs me. Have I been too busy? Meh. I got time to watch series and stuff so that doesn’t seem acceptable. Have I loss inspiration? Have I diminish my will to write?

Confessions of a Former Fat Girl

Growing up, I had a lot of issues about weight. I was a fat kid since birth up until fourth grade. I wasn’t medically obese but in the eyes of the people most especially the Filipinos, fat is fat. It’s not chubby, it’s not plump, it’s plain and simple FAT. Because of this, that’s how I viewed myself for the longest time. I grew up with a society that saw my kind of body size as “ugly” rather than “unhealthy”. The skinny ones were always the prettier ones. No matter how much of a stick figure they looked, they were always the ones preferred. They could wear the clothes they like and go anywhere without the fear of being called names such a pig, fatty or fridge raider. Well I wasn’t called a fridge raider though but I was called a lot of things.

Growing up, I could say that my childhood went well though. I had a secured life and I think it’s one of the strongest foundations of my present self-esteem. Everything was great except for my body weight and how I see myself back then. Because every time I looked in the mirror, all I see was ugly. Fat and ugly. Since people constantly say it, it felt truer and truer by the minute. Another thing was that I cannot wear the clothes that I like. I always chose the baggy clothes to hide my actual size. I was 9 years old and I can’t wear a sleeveless shirt because my “kid arms” were bulging or my tummy wasn’t flat under my shirt.

Looking back, I wish I hadn’t been so hard on myself but the damage is done and maybe if I wasn’t that determined in the past, I wouldn’t have loss all the weight.

Merci, 2012

2012 was a roller-coaster year for me but I consider it as the best I’ve had so far. It had a lot of ups and downs, setbacks and adjustments like a girl on PMS! I had moments where I had no idea at all and memories that painted the bigger picture a little clearer. All in all, I love this year and though it’s a little cheesy as I bid farewell to my dear 2012, I’m kinda psyched for 2013.

I remember my New Year’s resolution because I only had one. By the way, it’s the only resolution in my life that I’ve managed to accomplish- which was to say “YES” as much as possible. That’s it. One simple word, three simple letters. And it did a huge impact in my life. It still is an ongoing resolution for 2013 as well since I had so much fun doing it. So as a toast to 2012, here are some life lessons and realizations the year has taught me.