Growing up, I had a lot of issues
about weight. I was a fat kid since birth up until fourth grade. I wasn’t
medically obese but in the eyes of the people most especially the Filipinos,
fat is fat. It’s not chubby, it’s not plump, it’s plain and simple FAT. Because
of this, that’s how I viewed myself for the longest time. I grew up with a
society that saw my kind of body size as “ugly” rather than “unhealthy”. The
skinny ones were always the prettier ones. No matter how much of a stick figure
they looked, they were always the ones preferred. They could wear the clothes
they like and go anywhere without the fear of being called names such a pig,
fatty or fridge raider. Well I wasn’t called a fridge raider though but I was
called a lot of things.
Growing up, I could say that my
childhood went well though. I had a secured life and I think it’s one of the
strongest foundations of my present self-esteem. Everything was great except
for my body weight and how I see myself back then. Because every time I looked
in the mirror, all I see was ugly. Fat and ugly. Since people constantly say
it, it felt truer and truer by the minute. Another thing was that I cannot wear
the clothes that I like. I always chose the baggy clothes to hide my actual
size. I was 9 years old and I can’t wear a sleeveless shirt because my “kid
arms” were bulging or my tummy wasn’t flat under my shirt.
Looking back, I wish I hadn’t
been so hard on myself but the damage is done and maybe if I wasn’t that
determined in the past, I wouldn’t have loss all the weight.
