Sometimes I Wish I Were a Man

There are times, numerous for that matter, that I despise being female. From the ever so cliché reason pertaining to the monthly visit to the complex argument of being the subordinate sex, at moments I find myself wishing that I’m the bloke who plays video games for hours without even bothering to take a bath. Or the douche who wears too much hair gel who thinks he’s all that – forgetting about the fact that he’s got no money in his wallet. Scratch the last bit. Not even in my wildest dreams. 

Of Unfinished Chapters & New Beginnings

Another year is about to end and December blues is inevitable. It's that time of the year again where your brain's amygdala go trippin' and mess up with you and your emotions.

One Time an Old Dude was Hitting on Me and I Liked It

Yeah but hear me out first.

I always love a good conversation. I don’t care who you are or what you’re doing as long as we have the same vibe the moment we’re talking then we’re good. We could go on for hours and in the end feel like we’ve shared something valuable. Something worth remembering. Like the time lolo tried to have a chat with me.

Fixing Crooked Perspectives, Hoping It'd Work

Feeling so uninspired lately that I may have gravely doubted myself at one of the things I love best. Hoping it's just a phase. Silently pleading that the universe would somehow shift in my favor. But yeah, while I'm at it I still gotta hustle...

And then I found something out of my innumerable spent hours on the internet. Somehow it calmed me down knowing that I don't have to pressure myself too much. I may have used it as an excuse for "slacking off" but whatever. I gotta believe in something at one point - and this one convinced me, punched me hard right through my guts.

Drama & Shit vol. 1.1

Never Have I Wanted So Much in My Life

There was this house on top of a hill. It was the only thing there. Not another establishment within the next few hectares. It was, as one might consider it, remote. Slightly unkempt and aged but it was weathered gracefully like an old woman having these beautiful wrinkles on the side of her eyes. That whenever she smiles, it was a reminder of the many others she did back when she was young. A little older though, one can feel its solitude, like it was left behind as the others moved on to the modern world.

"For Women Who are Difficult to Love" -Warsan Shire

I found a young poet, Warsan Shire, online and I instantly love her compositions. This was by far, my favorite as it hits home. She had me at "you can't make homes out of human beings", one line that spoke volumes to me. 

And since I cannot get enough, I watched the video as well. The added type of media made it more alive even though the poem was already full of life itself (not sure if that made sense).

I Wrote Something About Not Writing

I haven’t written anything in five months. Where have I been? Not that I left in search of my soul or anything (it’s forever lost and scattered, anyway). In fact I was just here. I never really left. What have I been doing? Five months is a lot of time! Not that I’m obliged to write ever too often though; but still. It bugs me. Have I been too busy? Meh. I got time to watch series and stuff so that doesn’t seem acceptable. Have I loss inspiration? Have I diminish my will to write?

Confessions of a Former Fat Girl

Growing up, I had a lot of issues about weight. I was a fat kid since birth up until fourth grade. I wasn’t medically obese but in the eyes of the people most especially the Filipinos, fat is fat. It’s not chubby, it’s not plump, it’s plain and simple FAT. Because of this, that’s how I viewed myself for the longest time. I grew up with a society that saw my kind of body size as “ugly” rather than “unhealthy”. The skinny ones were always the prettier ones. No matter how much of a stick figure they looked, they were always the ones preferred. They could wear the clothes they like and go anywhere without the fear of being called names such a pig, fatty or fridge raider. Well I wasn’t called a fridge raider though but I was called a lot of things.

Growing up, I could say that my childhood went well though. I had a secured life and I think it’s one of the strongest foundations of my present self-esteem. Everything was great except for my body weight and how I see myself back then. Because every time I looked in the mirror, all I see was ugly. Fat and ugly. Since people constantly say it, it felt truer and truer by the minute. Another thing was that I cannot wear the clothes that I like. I always chose the baggy clothes to hide my actual size. I was 9 years old and I can’t wear a sleeveless shirt because my “kid arms” were bulging or my tummy wasn’t flat under my shirt.

Looking back, I wish I hadn’t been so hard on myself but the damage is done and maybe if I wasn’t that determined in the past, I wouldn’t have loss all the weight.

Merci, 2012

2012 was a roller-coaster year for me but I consider it as the best I’ve had so far. It had a lot of ups and downs, setbacks and adjustments like a girl on PMS! I had moments where I had no idea at all and memories that painted the bigger picture a little clearer. All in all, I love this year and though it’s a little cheesy as I bid farewell to my dear 2012, I’m kinda psyched for 2013.

I remember my New Year’s resolution because I only had one. By the way, it’s the only resolution in my life that I’ve managed to accomplish- which was to say “YES” as much as possible. That’s it. One simple word, three simple letters. And it did a huge impact in my life. It still is an ongoing resolution for 2013 as well since I had so much fun doing it. So as a toast to 2012, here are some life lessons and realizations the year has taught me.

The Moment When I Forgot About the World (El Nido, Pt. 2)

Logged out, shut down and forgot about the world. These were the exact things I did when I went to El Nido. Funny, I didn’t have my laptop with me. My phone couldn’t access the internet as well. The islands had my full attention and I didn’t think anything was worth the trouble of being bothered. I was in El Nido in the first place! What more could I ask for?

Our El Nido trip wasn’t part of the plan but I’m more than happy that we went through it anyway. We all decided that since we’re already in Puerto Princesa, why not go all the way?

Let Loose and Get Lost. Then Find Yourself in Palawan (Puerto Princesa Pt. 1)

The smell of the salty breeze, the rush of the waves at shore, my flowing Sunday dress and a good company. The heavens were as happy and as bright as what I felt inside. Finally, I was in paradise. Better yet, I was in Palawan.

A humungous slab of land situated on the West Philippine Sea, Palawan is an island that boasts and without a doubt delivers highly impressive natural attributes. And when I tell it like this to someone who has been to Palawan as well, it would sound more of a cliché than something that’s exaggerated. Believe me, I’m not the kind who is too fond of hyperbolic form of speech. But when I’m in such place that bestows white sand beaches, glistening waters, jaw-dropping land and rock formations, friendly locals and a clean environment, I’d be more than happy speak of it in a colorful manner.

Manila Blues

A work colleague told me the other day that he was thankful he didn’t grow up in Manila. I asked him why even though I sort of knew what he meant to say. So he answered “kasi hindi masama ugali ko.” (Because I’m not mean). I knew it was a joke but I did agree somehow. Honestly speaking, it’s understandable that living in an environment like Manila, you do get a bit of a tough persona.

Amidst Everything and Everything in Between

A simple reminder about the finer things in life. I saw this photo today and suddenly it hit me. I am not the kind of person who is too fond of the idea of love as most people perceive it to be. I don't really bask too much on its definition. More so, I have never treated this affection as highly as I have treated loyalty, kindness, determination and justness. But I do know that it is something precious, something rare and something genuine. The only problem is, I cannot seem to fully define it because of how the society portrays this overused word, literally and metaphorically.

And then I saw this post. Somehow, it gave me a lot to think about.

Sending You a Letter for It Is More Heartfelt

Hi.

I don’t want to be your girlfriend. I don’t want to be your anything. But I like you.

I know it’s what you feel as well. I know I’m just someone random in your life. Someone to help you with your “thing”. But then, you like me too. And we both know our bodies want each other. We want to explore each other’s secret spots. We want to cover ourselves up in just sheets and shy the night away making sweet, sweet love. We want to grab each other really hard and intense, test where our kisses would reach, where our hands would land and our breaths would meet.

Torn Between Two Lovers

Oh my g! Oh my g! Nakakalooookaaah! Confusion ang peg ko today. Ang haba ba ng hair? Abot Japan? Abot Japan? Paano naman kasi, not one but two ang mahal ko these days! Charot. Sabi nga nila, bawal ka daw magsagwan sa dalawang ilog or something like that. Naturalmente! Try mo sagwanin koya. Try mo lang.

Haaay layf. Kung bakit kasi kailangan ko mag decide. According to Renz Verano, sana dalawa ang puso ko with matching husky voice pa nga eh. Ay mali. Si Janno Gibbs pala kumanta nun. Hihi. Sowee phowz. Sana nga talaga dalawa na lang din ako. Isa na kay lovey doods number one and the other one kay wishart number two. 

Ang hard kasi pumili! Naloloka ako ng very light. Let me explain kasi…

Some of my Life’s WTF Moments

Believe me, this isn’t even half of all of it. Circumstances aren’t arranged in chronological order. I hereby solemnly swear that all of the events below are real-life experiences- not a single fictitious WTF moment was made.

Everybody Loves Flirting So Everybody Should Flirt

The norm of the sexes just baffles me sometimes. Until I reached twenty and finally had the liberty to fully interact with the opposite sex (which isn’t even that active, by the way), I realized how complicated the rules are. They’re just so many I can’t even grasp all of them at once. What’s worse is that they’re so much easier said than done. Literally. It’s so easy to give a friend an advice when they’ve messed up or they’re plain clueless on what to do with some guy they have the hots for. But when it happens to you, you instantly become like any other stupid, ignorant human being that constantly tries to fill in something that doesn’t really even need filling in.

I Am an Island Girl

The rush of the waves is an instant high. The moment I hear its sound as it hits the shore, I know exactly I am in someplace I want to be. The sunlight is as perfect as ever. I do not care if it’s too bright. I don’t give a rat’s ass as the heat lets me sweat from the specific crevices of my body. It is the beach anyway. I can take a dip whenever I please.

Why We Live

No one ever does understand the complexities of life. We never know. No matter how much we inquire, no matter how much we seek, it would never be enough. We would still continue to look for something- even if we already do not know what we’re exactly looking for.